HCM Brain Candy
High Cleve Person
Supreme Overlord of TPWLP
The problem with the universe is you.
Posts: 4,008
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Post by HCM Brain Candy on Apr 1, 2008 18:42:33 GMT -6
This said Vladimir was finally able to focus his attention to the matter of his quest. Except when he stopped to think about it, he couldn't exactly remember what he or anyone else was supposed to be doing. "Killing bad guys?" Nathan, who was now a cybernetic chicken immediatly suggested, "We have to kill bad guys you know, I have to use my new chicken powers and my orange lightsaber. You ever see a chicken with lightsaber, an orange one?" At this point Vladimir, who was now an inflatable shark, was about to interupt but then some random passerby randomly felt spiteful and grabbed Vlad's nozzle and slipped it open. It took a moment for Vladimir, who was not use to being an inflatable, to realize that he was leaking air! "Help me! I'm leaking!" The others were shocked for a moment, but Luke scurried forward and plugged the nozzle back in. However, Vlad now felt much more solid and felt very vulnerable. "Wait then," Sauron pointed out, "if you're an inflatable now, doesn't that mean that all we have to do is just inflate you like a ballon and pump some air back into you?" Everyone cheered when they realized that the problem could be so easily fixed. Abe volunteered to reinflate Vladimir by his nozzle, but then he stopped. "What's wrong?" Vlad asked, "Aren't you going to reinflate me?" Abe swallowed. "Well, yeah but..." "But what?" You found the nozzle, right?" Luke asked. Abe squirmed uncomfortably. "It's in a wierd place..."
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Post by zoel on Apr 2, 2008 15:36:30 GMT -6
after Abe's refusal, the task of reinflating Vlad was naturally passed to the other members of the group. Obviously Nathan couldn't do it since chickens don't have lips. Sauron was next pressured, but he pointed out that while he did have a thing for magic rings, he just didn't swing that way. So in the end, the task of reinflating Vlad fell to...
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HCM Brain Candy
High Cleve Person
Supreme Overlord of TPWLP
The problem with the universe is you.
Posts: 4,008
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Post by HCM Brain Candy on Apr 10, 2008 12:46:56 GMT -6
Richard Simmons.
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Post by zoel on Apr 10, 2008 17:39:59 GMT -6
Who is, by the way, not the least bit... in that way...
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I AM THE IZOD!!
High Cleve Person
This is what happens when I eat too many baked beans.
Posts: 513
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Post by I AM THE IZOD!! on Apr 14, 2008 15:41:38 GMT -6
This problem was made moot by the sudden appearence of Tom Cruise, who had just come out of the closet...
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Post by zoel on Apr 14, 2008 16:22:01 GMT -6
And so after reinflating Vlad, Richard Simmons ran off into the sunset with Tom Cruise...
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HCM Brain Candy
High Cleve Person
Supreme Overlord of TPWLP
The problem with the universe is you.
Posts: 4,008
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Post by HCM Brain Candy on Apr 21, 2008 12:47:23 GMT -6
"Quick!" Sauron suggested, "Kill them both now while we have the chance!" "Why would we want to do that?" Vladamir asked. "The world shall be a better place with both of them gone!" Abe declared. The group eventually agreed, but fight immediately ensued when they couldn't decide to do the job with 12 gauge shotgun or...
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Post by zoel on Apr 22, 2008 12:11:33 GMT -6
the blunt end of a water-closet.
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HCM Brain Candy
High Cleve Person
Supreme Overlord of TPWLP
The problem with the universe is you.
Posts: 4,008
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Post by HCM Brain Candy on Apr 24, 2008 13:46:01 GMT -6
In the end they decided to use the blunt end of a water closet, only they discovered that Luke was in the WC taking a dump. Patiently our heroes waited, but as time wore on their patience began to wear short. "Luke!" Vlad shouted, "What's taking you so long, you fall in or something?" Surprisingly, there was no reply. Concerned our heroes opened the door to see that Luke was missing as he had indeed actually fallen in...
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Post by zoel on Apr 27, 2008 10:29:41 GMT -6
"Do we go in after him?" Vlad suggested.
"No," Sauron replied. "It's too dangerous, we can't risk it. Besides, we still have to kill Richard Simmons and Tom Cruise..."
It was too late, however, for the group of heroes was suddenly sucked into the vortex that was... the water closet.
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Post by zoel on Apr 27, 2008 10:42:51 GMT -6
All of which looked a little bit like this
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HCM Brain Candy
High Cleve Person
Supreme Overlord of TPWLP
The problem with the universe is you.
Posts: 4,008
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Post by HCM Brain Candy on Apr 28, 2008 16:26:56 GMT -6
As our brave heroes spun down the flusher, they screamed in terror like a bunch of cheerleaders. Spinning through for what seemed like forever, they were eventually spat out deep down in the dark sewers, where before they could orient themselves were accosted by a very fat...
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Post by zoel on Apr 29, 2008 9:01:30 GMT -6
Ethiopian.
"Shouldn't you be starving to death or something?" Nathan demanded.
"Look who's talking," the Ethiopian replied. "A cybernetic chicken..."
"Don't make me use my laser eyes on you," Nathan warned.
"Ooh! I'm terrified... of a chicken!" the Ethiopian retorted.
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HCM Brain Candy
High Cleve Person
Supreme Overlord of TPWLP
The problem with the universe is you.
Posts: 4,008
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Post by HCM Brain Candy on May 3, 2008 8:57:49 GMT -6
Angry at the Ethiopian for his smart mouth, our heroes end up hiring a Somolian to beat up the Ethiopian. However, the Somolian turns out to be a jihadist and holds the group captive and broadcasts their captivity on Al Jazeera...
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Post by zoel on May 3, 2008 16:38:04 GMT -6
"Look, mom! I'm on TV!" Nathan shouted eagerly into the camera...
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HCM Brain Candy
High Cleve Person
Supreme Overlord of TPWLP
The problem with the universe is you.
Posts: 4,008
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Post by HCM Brain Candy on May 7, 2008 14:57:49 GMT -6
Nathan of course didn't realize that he was selected as the first to be beheaded, and just smiled at the camera as men in black hoods walked into the room. Suddenly they struck. However, everyone, even the rest of our heroes who were in fact somewhat excited by the fact that Nathan was going to die had forgotten to consider that Nathan was a cybernetic chicken and therefore didn't die as his head rolled to the floor. "Look ma, no hands!" Nathan exclaimed excitedly...
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Post by zoel on May 8, 2008 9:11:15 GMT -6
The executioners stared down at the still-talking Nathan in dismay.
Clearly, mere dismemberment was not going to be enough to rid them of this annoying bird. A few minutes later, one of the executioners returned with a sledgehammer, with which to reduce Nathan's dismembered parts to dust...
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HCM Brain Candy
High Cleve Person
Supreme Overlord of TPWLP
The problem with the universe is you.
Posts: 4,008
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Post by HCM Brain Candy on May 10, 2008 15:47:40 GMT -6
Our heroes wondered if they should even bother to save Nathan, but then Luke objected by saying, "We're the good guys!" "Uh, well technically I'm not," Sauron said, raising his hand in objection. The terrorist raised the slegdehammer above his head, and Luke thought desperately what he could do. Then he had a random idea. "Vladimir," Luke said, "Be afraid." Vlad's response was instant and automatic. "We have nothing to fear but fear itself!" "Uh," interjected the would be executioner, "Don't you guys also have to fear this sledehammer I'm holding?" "All men are created equal!" Vlad retorted. "What about people from North Dakota?" one of the terrorists asked, "I don't think they should be considered equal to the rest of us..."
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I AM THE IZOD!!
High Cleve Person
This is what happens when I eat too many baked beans.
Posts: 513
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Post by I AM THE IZOD!! on May 28, 2008 21:21:27 GMT -6
The process was proceeding at full speed, however, and pretty soon, Vladimir started running through the all the presidential speeches in history...
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Post by zoel on May 30, 2008 14:36:24 GMT -6
Somewhere between "Ask not what your country can do for you..." and "I think the American people have a right to know whether or not their president is a crook...", the terrorists' heads exploded.
"Well, that went well, I would say," Nathan's still decapitated head said while rolling around on the floor.
"There is an axis of evil..." Vlad replied, still going through presidential speeches.
"Who, me?" Sauron asked.
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HCM Brain Candy
High Cleve Person
Supreme Overlord of TPWLP
The problem with the universe is you.
Posts: 4,008
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Post by HCM Brain Candy on Jun 12, 2008 19:42:26 GMT -6
"You know," Abe said, "You do look evil." "Four score and seven years ago-" "That's my line!" Abe objected.
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Post by zoel on Jun 13, 2008 14:01:48 GMT -6
Abe and Vlad immediately got into a kick-boxing match to settle once and for all which of them would be allowed to say "four score and seven years ago".
It wasn't much of a fight, though, since Abe had lost his lower half and Vlad was a shark and thus neither of them had any legs.
Finally, they decided to resolve the dispute by playing a game of...
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HCM Brain Candy
High Cleve Person
Supreme Overlord of TPWLP
The problem with the universe is you.
Posts: 4,008
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Post by HCM Brain Candy on Jun 22, 2008 21:45:41 GMT -6
Russian rulette.
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Post by zoel on Jun 29, 2008 5:00:06 GMT -6
Eagerly, Vlad took the gun in his... err... fin, pointed it to his head and pulled the trigger.
"Your turn," Vlad said, handing the gun over to Abe.
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I AM THE IZOD!!
High Cleve Person
This is what happens when I eat too many baked beans.
Posts: 513
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Post by I AM THE IZOD!! on Jul 1, 2008 21:58:28 GMT -6
Abe bravely takes the pistol in hand, points it at his head, then suddenly points it at Vlad, and pulls the trigger. The gun fires. (Inflatable shark) Vlad is suddenly and violently deflated.
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Post by zoel on Jul 2, 2008 4:35:31 GMT -6
"Do you want us to go get Richard Simmons to try and blow you back up again?" Nathan's decapitated head asked from the floor.
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I AM THE IZOD!!
High Cleve Person
This is what happens when I eat too many baked beans.
Posts: 513
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Post by I AM THE IZOD!! on Jul 6, 2008 15:50:46 GMT -6
"No," Luke said ,"we can't do that because he is still on his honeymoon with Tom Cruise."
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Post by zoel on Jul 7, 2008 5:48:07 GMT -6
It was at that moment, however, that both Tom Cruise and Richard Simmons suddenly emerged from...
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HCM Brain Candy
High Cleve Person
Supreme Overlord of TPWLP
The problem with the universe is you.
Posts: 4,008
|
Post by HCM Brain Candy on Jul 13, 2008 15:26:08 GMT -6
The seventeenth level of hell.
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Post by zoel on Jul 16, 2008 22:43:49 GMT -6
"I didn't even know there was a seventeenth layer of hell," Sauron pointed out. "Always thought there were only seven or so..."
"No," Abe Lincoln replied. "We had to add another ten levels or so for all the democrats, hippies, and politically correct people in the world."
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