I AM THE IZOD!!
High Cleve Person
This is what happens when I eat too many baked beans.
Posts: 513
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Post by I AM THE IZOD!! on Mar 19, 2007 18:44:17 GMT -6
It was then he realized that he was in the belly of the beast of "ARRRRRRRRRRGH!" screamed a man as he was chomped into bits and his body parts went down the digestive tract.
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Post by zoel on Mar 19, 2007 19:35:10 GMT -6
not particularly wanting to be trapped in the belly of a furocious monster, Vladimir asked Nathe if he knew of any way they could escape...
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HCM Brain Candy
High Cleve Person
Supreme Overlord of TPWLP
The problem with the universe is you.
Posts: 4,008
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Post by HCM Brain Candy on Mar 20, 2007 22:16:23 GMT -6
"Oh sure!" Nathan exclaimed jubulantly. "I'm a Jedi and I can use my lightsaber, which is orange, you ever hear of an orange lightsaber? I can't think of anyone who does and so I have one of the only few and I can use it to slice open this monster's guts, and then once outside we can kill it and kill any other monsters we see! This'l be so cool!" Once again, before Vladamir could react Nathan was busy hacking away randomly at the monster's stomach lining. A moment later there was a great thunderous rush and Vladamir and were immediatly swept off their feet as the digestive liquids poured out from the now rather large whole in the monster's side. Spitting out monster bile, Vladamir took a moment to steady himself before finding himself staring at a giant insect monster wiggling through its death throes. Nathan immediatly jumped forward and began gleefully thrusting his oft mentioned orange lightsaber into the monsters head and it died quickly after. Vladamir stood absorbing the shock of what had just transpired in the last few minutes when out of the insect's lower gut came an egg like thing, and before Vladamir could react it popped open and out popped a little baby insect monster "Hi!" it squeaked in a disconsertingly, well, squeaky voice, "Are you my mother?"
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Post by zoel on Mar 21, 2007 15:34:57 GMT -6
"No, I am your father." Nathe replied ominously holding his lightsaber above the bug's head.
"No, no, that’s not true. That’s impossible." The bug replied
"Search your feelings, you know it to be true." Nathe replied.
"Noooooooooo!" the bug screamed in horror.
"Luke, you can destroy the Emperor. He has forseen this. It is your destiny. Join me, and we can rule the galaxy as father and son. Come with me, it is the only way." Nathe replied.
"My name is Luke?" the bug asked, seemingly surprised.
"Of course it is!" Nathe replied. "I named you didn't I? I would think I would know."
"Isn't this a bit absurd?" Valdimir interjected. "There's no possible way you can be his father, Nathe. He's a giant bug and you're a... well, I don't know what you are... maybe some kind of overgrown oompa-loompa or something... but anyway, there's no way you two are related!"
Nathe and the bug Luke simultaniously turned on Valdimir and looked as if they were about to eat him.
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Post by The Radical Communist on Mar 21, 2007 22:13:13 GMT -6
(For the record it's Nathan, as in from the original Adventure, and not Nathe from Nagol Storybook... Nathe has the guns and claymores, Nathan has... well, the orange lightsaber.)
Our valiant,... well, maybe not so valient, we're not quite sure what he is, protagonist stood uncertainly as Nathan and, well, Luke the baby bug monster starred at him with what appeared to be hunger. Vladamir was, of course, hopelessly confused as to why they had suddenly decided to turn on him but more on the verge of pissing himself in terror. But of course, our protagonist had his one card he could play. "Don't eat me, I have AIDS!" Instantly the two would be man-eaters... well, one man eater and one cannibal stepped back in shock from the revelation and gravely considered the situation. "Oh," they said, "we didn't know. This is bad for you." Suddenly the scene burst into song and a whole bunch of random animals, characters, and prominent celebreties jumped onto the scene and began an uplifting piece about how Vladamir was still a human being, well, rat, and that he still deserved respect and etc. This continued for a few minutes until that one new HIV positive character from Sesesme Street began a solo when Vladamir finally shouted, "Stop! What the F$#@ is wrong with you people!?" "It's okay that you have AIDS," they said as one cheerful body, "just because you have a different sexual lifestyle-" "But... I'm straight." "Well," they continued, "it's okay that you may have slept with more than one person-" "Um..." Vladamir began. "This is... awkward.. I'm, uh... a virgin." This finnally succeded in dimming the crowds freakishly damn creepy opitimism. "Um, ok, well if you just happened to share needles-" "And... I've... never done that and I'm a teetotler..." Now it was the crowd's turn to be awkwardly silent. "Well, your blood transfusion-" "I'm, uh, a Jehovah's Witness..." At this point everyone in the crowd was flabergasted and by now a bit hestiant to even look at him. "Well, uh, what... how did you get AIDS?..." "Well, I... um, I have the one habit of... eating... dead... relatives..." he said meekly. The crowd stood dead silent for several moments before the slowly and solemly began dropping their cheerful hats and their cheerful billboards and their cheerful smiles and everything else that was cheerful and began filling away. All Vladamir got at this point was a few wierdly hostile stares and other looks and one or two "Sicko's!" as the crowd slowly disspated leaving only Nathan and Luke behind. "Don't worry," Luke spoke in his squeky voice, "my kind eat's our dead. Heck, we eat our wounded!" "That's... comforting to know," Vladamir replied not at all uplifted and slightly creeped out." "We can always go out and kill more monsters!" Nathan exclaimed. Vladamir sighed. "Look, if we're going to have to do something, maybe even involving a plot we should be doing something more than just killing monsters. We need... substance or something." "I think I left that at home, sorry," Nathan replied in what appeared to be for the first time a sincere voice." "Well if we can't think of something maybe someone else can," Luke said. Conversation continued between the two as to who to inquire to for a possible plot with Nathan contributing nothing of value intermittantly while chewing on a dropped chile dog one of the singers had dropped when the trio decided that to find a plot they needed to go and ask a famous author for a plot to send them on. The three agreed that the first author they would inquire to would be...
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Post by zoel on Mar 22, 2007 13:53:37 GMT -6
Karl Marx.
Karl Marx, however, was already dead so after digging him out of his grave and eating a bit of his left thigh, Vladimir decided that he wouldn't be able to give them a plot.
"Well, we could always just borrow one of the plots from his old books," Luke said encouragingly.
"Actually, I don't think any of them have plots," Vladimir said, paging through a copy of Das Capital he had found. "They're mostly just about how capitalism makes the poor poorer and that those who own the means of production will never give them up."
"Let's fight the bougouise, then!" Nathan declared, lifting his orange lightsaber above his head...
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HCM Brain Candy
High Cleve Person
Supreme Overlord of TPWLP
The problem with the universe is you.
Posts: 4,008
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Post by HCM Brain Candy on Mar 22, 2007 18:54:13 GMT -6
With Nathan for more fighting and Vladamir and Luke in apathic, the trio decided to go and fight the bougouise and free the proletariat. There was a slight problem however in that they now found themselves on the island of New Guinea and all they could find was a bunch of semi stone age tribes which didn't excatly have a bougouise... or a prolatariat... or, anything much else for that matter. So when Vladamir stood up and with as much enthusiasum as he could fake denounced the wickedness of capitalism and all its ilk. The tribes people gathered around and might have considered eating Vladamir, but he was scrauny and dirty and had only one arm and didn't look very appitizing even to a starving man. So intead they just kind of stood there in a slightly confused and totally noncomprehended kind of way. Nathan, seeking to energize the call to arms a bit, got to the forefront and activated his lightsaber and began swinging around, about how fun it would be to overtrown the middle class in a violent revolution. The tribesman of course were less impressed by his brain lacking speech than by his glowing apparently all magically powerful glowing blade. For once, Nathan was the one who was interupted as they suddenly shouted and began bowing down a worshiping the man with the orange rod of divine light. "Well isn't this dandy. Out of everyone here they're worshipping that bimbo Nathan." Unfortunetly the tribespeople overheard this and immediatly assailded Vladamir and Luke a prepared to offer them as a sacrifice to Nathan...
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Post by zoel on Mar 23, 2007 12:47:42 GMT -6
When the first too natives reached towards Luke, he grabbed them and ate them both. Vladimir, however, was easily overpowered and soon found himself tried up and about to be thrown into a pot of boiling yams.
"Nathan! Do something!" Vladimir yelled. "Can't you see they're about to sacrifice me to you!?"
Nathan, however, was having too much fun being worshipped by the natives to notice that they had already tied up Vladimir and a dozen of them were threatening Luke with their spears as well...
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I AM THE IZOD!!
High Cleve Person
This is what happens when I eat too many baked beans.
Posts: 513
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Post by I AM THE IZOD!! on Mar 23, 2007 17:16:33 GMT -6
Nathan was also having fun showing what his lightsaber could do, and while doing so, he sliced the former chieftain in half. The people believed this to be punishment for their wrong doings, so they began to sacrifice themselves in fire...
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Post by zoel on Mar 24, 2007 10:11:59 GMT -6
with the natives all disposed of, Vladimir was able to escape from his bonds just as the yams were coming to a boil. That done, he attempted to have a conversation with Nathan, who was still apparently convinced that he was a god...
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HCM Brain Candy
High Cleve Person
Supreme Overlord of TPWLP
The problem with the universe is you.
Posts: 4,008
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Post by HCM Brain Candy on Mar 30, 2007 15:29:00 GMT -6
"Nathan," Vladamir began, "Come on, we need to find another author since it seems we aren't going to have much of an adventure anymore with Marx..." "Wow, this is so really cool." "Nathan..." After approximently three hours of inceasent begging, Vladamir and Luke finally managed to pry Nathan from his throne. This done they decided to seek out for a plot Edger Allen Poe...
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Post by zoel on Mar 31, 2007 7:56:39 GMT -6
"Would you like to see my cask of Amontillado?" Nathan asked eagerly. "Why would I want to see that?" Vladimir demanded. "Um... because it's cool looking and stuff?" Nathan suggested. "Oh, ok," Vladimir replied. "Where is it?"
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HCM Brain Candy
High Cleve Person
Supreme Overlord of TPWLP
The problem with the universe is you.
Posts: 4,008
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Post by HCM Brain Candy on Apr 9, 2007 21:17:59 GMT -6
"What's Amontillado?" Luke asked. Nathan was about to respond confindantly but then he stopped and realized he didn't have the faintest clue what Amontillado was. Was it some kind of cool laser gun?, he wondered.
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Post by zoel on Apr 10, 2007 8:50:41 GMT -6
"No, it's actually.... um, I don't know either," Vladimir confessed. "Does anyone know what Amontillado is?" Dave demanded of the audience. The audience members consulted with one another, but eventually they were forced to admit that they had absolutely no idea...
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Post by Cellery on Apr 14, 2007 21:10:08 GMT -6
Untill one person (Yoga) spoke out from the rest.
"What Amontillago I is know! The I knowledge want have you!"
Soon afterwords a short brown colored being presented himself in front of our heros. He looked somewhat like Yoda, only he was standing on his head (that's where his feet were), and he had no arms, so his hands went where the feet normally are.
He also seemed to have a slight vocabulary problem.
{I seriously forgot how we came up with this character. The only thing is that I wanted to make fun of Yoda by making every word in a sentance scramble at random.)
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Post by zoel on Apr 15, 2007 11:58:02 GMT -6
"Who are you?" someone asked.
"Am Yogi I," Yoga replied.
"Do you really know what Amontillado is?" someone else demanded.
"course I answer your of know to question the" Yogi answered confidantly.
"Well, what is it?" someone else demanded at once.
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HCM Brain Candy
High Cleve Person
Supreme Overlord of TPWLP
The problem with the universe is you.
Posts: 4,008
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Post by HCM Brain Candy on Apr 21, 2007 10:25:51 GMT -6
"France very Alcoholic from drink fine", Yoga replied. At which point Nathan suddenly and finally realized that Yoga looked a lot like Yoda and thus must be a lightsaber master. Nathan gleefully unleashed his (dare we forget...) orange lightsaber and procedded to attempt to cut Yoga in half much to everyone's horror. Yoga responded not by whipping out a lightsaber but a...
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Post by zoel on Apr 21, 2007 11:37:25 GMT -6
cantaloupe. You might protest that it is impossible to fight off someone who has a lightsaber with a cantaloupe, but if you did then it would be obvious that you've never seen Yoga fight with a cantaloupe before. Within a few seconds, he had Nathan pinned to the ground screaming in pain....
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I AM THE IZOD!!
High Cleve Person
This is what happens when I eat too many baked beans.
Posts: 513
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Post by I AM THE IZOD!! on Apr 23, 2007 20:50:53 GMT -6
Vladamir would have rejoiced at the fact that Nathan had finally been quieted if it were not for the fact that Nathan wouldn't stop screaming, at that Yoga seemed to be turning to attack him as well. In reaction, Vladimir...
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Post by zoel on Apr 25, 2007 22:50:09 GMT -6
responded by pulling the lever that dropped the ten-ton weight on Yoga...
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Post by Cellery on Apr 28, 2007 21:38:58 GMT -6
Who managed to escape through a plot hole and dissappear before it landed.
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Post by zoel on Apr 29, 2007 11:57:02 GMT -6
Vladimir himself was rather stunned by the sudden appearance of the plot hole since heretofore, he Nathan and Luke had been searching for a plot without avail. Vladimir immediately grabbed hold of the plot hole after Yoga disappeared through it in hopes of thereby capturing hold of the plot as well...
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Post by Cellery on Apr 29, 2007 18:56:34 GMT -6
Unfortunately, instead of following Yoga, the plot hole happened to lead our heros, for lack of a better word, into the middle of a...
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Post by zoel on Apr 30, 2007 13:10:30 GMT -6
cosmic battle between the forces of good and... butter?
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HCM Brain Candy
High Cleve Person
Supreme Overlord of TPWLP
The problem with the universe is you.
Posts: 4,008
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Post by HCM Brain Candy on May 1, 2007 18:08:03 GMT -6
In this strange, horribly demented twisted universe, yes, butter was the worst, evilest coniviest and other made up derogatory terms thing in... well, THAT universe. This being said, no sooner had our adventerous trio stepped through the plot hole when evil butter soldiers slopped their way forward and assaulted them. Nathan was grabbed before he could whip out his lightsaber (which is orange, dare we forget), and dragged off. Luke was able to fend them off with his insidiously insectish bug powers, and Vladamir... well, maybe the butter soldiers just didn't favor the idea of contaminating their butter parts with the rat's mangy one armed dirty form so they kind of just waved their arms in a vaguely threatening manner. Thus, Vladamir and Luke were left with the realization that their buttery foe had been driven off, but Nathan had been kidnapped. "Part of me definetly wants to say good ridence!" Vladamir declared. "But we're the good guys, we have to save Nathan from the guys who are obviously the bad guys!" Luke protested. After much debate, and a short mud wrestling match, the two decided that if they were going to rescue Nathan they needed to find the good guys in this universe. Since this was an ultimate battle between good and butter, good was defined pretty much as everything that wasn't butter. That meant that the leading council of the "good guys" consisted of Abraham Lincoln, George Foreman, Muhammed Ali, Simba from the Lion King, Adolf Hitler, and a container of "I Can't Believe it's Not Butter" margerine spread.
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Post by zoel on May 2, 2007 12:46:43 GMT -6
A fight immediately followed when Adolf Hitler, Abraham Lincoln, and George Foreman all refused to believe that "I can't believe it's not butter" wasn't butter. Even after Vladimir explained to them for the third time that it was a form of margarine, all three still insisted that it was in fact butter and that it was probably spying on them. Adolf Hitler actually went so far as to say that anything that even remotely resembled butter including margarine, sour-cream, and yellow snow should all be forbidden from joining their army. Abraham Lincoln backed him up, but George Foreman disagreed saying that was taking the idea too far and it was really just "I can't believe it's not butter" that needed to be gotten rid of.
Finally, after another mud-wresting match Vladimir, Luke and the others were able to reach a compromise with Adolf, Abraham and George. It was decided that rather than being part of the main army, "I can't believe it's not butter" would use it's remarkable butter-like texture and taste to sneak into the camp of the butter army and spy on them.
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HCM Brain Candy
High Cleve Person
Supreme Overlord of TPWLP
The problem with the universe is you.
Posts: 4,008
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Post by HCM Brain Candy on May 7, 2007 13:50:17 GMT -6
"I Can't Believe it's not Butter" was thus sent off into the midst of the butter army, and proceeded with its secretive reconnaissance. The soldiers of the butter army were completely fooled and simply could not believe that "I Can't Believe it's not Butter" wasn't butter; and a small group of them even invited it to a poker match. [aside] At this point the current narrator started to stand up and scream as he had typed up a significant exposition of how butter people actually play poker and how "I Can't Believe it's not Butter" won a small fortune thanks to the fact that he had no face, but said narrator accidentally hit some button and deleted most of the text. The narrator was clearly displeased and considered chucking his computer out of the nearest two story window, but barely managed to restrain himself when cannibalistic monkeys on LSD suddenly appeared to him and told him that wouldn't make much sense. Thus the narrator continued with the story[/aside] Having won nearly $200, "I Can't Believe it's not Butter" resumed its search and eventually found Nathan in a secret laboratory at the back of the camp. Apparently the butter people were performing an insidious experiment on Nathan, attempting to replace his blood with butter! At this point "I Can't Believe it's not Butter" excused itself for a moment to relieve itself, and by the time the butter soldiers realized that it was a food container and therefore didn't urinate, it was already long gone. It made its way back to camp and told what was being done to Nathan to the council of the Good Guys...
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Post by zoel on May 7, 2007 19:39:06 GMT -6
who were immediately horrified to find out that Nathan was about to be turned into a butter-blooded zombie, but also wanted a share of the money that "I can't believe it's not butter" had won playing poker so that they could go and buy some ice-cream. "I can't believe it's not butter" protested, insisting that it was his money now and that Vladimir had no right to take it from him. At this point Vladimir and Luke attempted to lay a guilt trip on "I can't believe it's not butter" by pointing out that if he didn't give them the money to buy ice-cream in all likelihood they would bee too hungry to save Nathan. When this didn't work, they finally did convince "I can't believe it's not butter" to give them the money by threatening to tell Adolf Hitler that it really wasn't butter and let him unleash the Luftwaffe upon "I can't believe it's not butter". While they were eating the ice-cream, Vladimir and Luke both agreed that "I can't believe it's not butter"'s name was way too long and so they decided to shorten it to ICBINB, but this was alas rather difficult to pronouce so they then changed that to Isbinub, which was easier to pronounce but rather hard to remember so everyone just started calling "I can't believe it's not butter" Noob. This worked alright for everyone except for "I can't believe it's not butter" because he kept forgetting that his name had been changed to Noob and thus didn't respond when Vladimir shouted to warn him that Abraham Lincoln was about to...
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I AM THE IZOD!!
High Cleve Person
This is what happens when I eat too many baked beans.
Posts: 513
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Post by I AM THE IZOD!! on May 10, 2007 21:53:16 GMT -6
Open up Noob's lid and urinate in him.
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Post by zoel on May 11, 2007 11:26:04 GMT -6
afterwards, Noob began to throw up repeatedly...
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