I AM THE IZOD!!
High Cleve Person
This is what happens when I eat too many baked beans.
Posts: 513
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Post by I AM THE IZOD!! on Mar 1, 2004 18:22:23 GMT -6
LOGAN YOU FORGOT A PERIOD AT THE END OF YOUR REPLY!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok, back to the story. Actully he doesn't want to fight the pengiuns. And he doesn't. He was quietly sneaking to the forest when the trolls came back. They grabbed Ionix and were about to put the stick through him when a light appeared in the forest. It sounded like a lightsaber. The trolls knew presisly who it was. It was the hunter. A mysterious man whose identity was unknown. "I told you that you could never eat another person, or you would meet with my lightsaber." The trolls grumbled, but put down Ionix and ran for their cave for the sun was about to rise in the east. The hunter shut off his lightsaber. "You must be careful in the forest. There are to many dangers here. What are you doing here anyway." He asked. "I'm following a group of men heading north. They're heading to the stronghold Helps Deep. I must catch them." Ionix replied. "What is your name?"The hunter asked. "I'm Ionix. What yours?" The hunter looked as if he reconized the name. "I'm The hunter, you'll call me by my real name, he lifted his hood, Nathen." He said. Ionix was shocked. "Is that you Nathen?" Nathen nodded. "Then who was that other one?" "Some other me from a different demension." So reunited friends headed for Helps Deep. First they went to the troll cave for food and water and horses to ride and to carry the food. Then they were ready to journey to Helps Deep.
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Post by The Admin on Mar 1, 2004 20:42:03 GMT -6
Helps deep, of course, was a very deep that had been dug by Help. Help was a decent guy generally, except when he had a little too much to drink and spent all night in the bathroom. That was annoying. The men Ionix and Nathen were traveling with, however, were neither Help nor any of his drinking buddies, but rather a group of men who weren't sure where they had come from excactly, but were vowing to help Help defend Help's Deep from the raging hoards that Drewen had unwittingly unleashed upon the world before being eaten by the miniy thing that vaguely resembled a slug...
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I AM THE IZOD!!
High Cleve Person
This is what happens when I eat too many baked beans.
Posts: 513
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Post by I AM THE IZOD!! on Mar 2, 2004 21:15:25 GMT -6
Ok one thing, Help is dead and second, there was no man named Help and it is NOT a tunnel, it is a forteress that looks like Helms Deep, just a different name.And third, Ionix and Nathen KNOW where they're from, but anyways on with the story. Ionix and Nathen were running out of food until one day, they saw a moose and were going to kill it when Ionix wispered that they didn't have arrows, or bows for that mater, but Nathen just pulled out a gun and shot the moose. Ionix then remembered about his guns. Anyway they cooked the meat and ate some but packed the rest and were on their way on their horses. On the 5th day of the journey they reached Helps Deep. Oh and I forgot to argue that it is NOT Drewn that is trying to conquer the world. We don't know who's behind it, at least not yet. Anyway the army of mindless hoards headed by the evil Nathen wasn't far away from the fort. "How are we going to get there before that army gets there?"Ionix asked. Nathen knew what to do. They got on their horses and made them go fast. When I said fast I mean fast. It was hard for Ionix to stay on the horse, but they made it. Aragon was pleased to see him and so was the Ravonous Princess, Xiya the dragon and his brother and they also greeted Nathen, who had 2 green lightsabers now. The army was too small to defeat the enemy and everyone said they were going to die, Nathen had an old trick up his sleeve. A demensional gate was transported and Jedi came out. The army stood ready for battle at the wall. Then the great battle started.
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His Holiness Lord Swanson
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Post by His Holiness Lord Swanson on Mar 5, 2004 14:36:56 GMT -6
Unfortunatly there were still to many enemies. All the jedi die, along with Nathan. Ionix captured, and tourtured, untill he finally believes that he is the slaves of all other creatures, and lower than any other life form. Ionix dies, in misery several years later of a severe floging by his overlord, for not cleaning the rug well enough. The End. Oh, and one more thing, ethan, you tread on thin ice, I am still a cofounder and always will be, you're a cocksucker, and....er...oh, yeah! If you continue on this damnable path, someone is going to have to do some mean things, hehehe...."Fuck with the best, die like the rest!"
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I AM THE IZOD!!
High Cleve Person
This is what happens when I eat too many baked beans.
Posts: 513
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Post by I AM THE IZOD!! on May 12, 2004 15:31:23 GMT -6
SHUT UP Swanson!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY YOU ARE NO LONGER CO-FOUNDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now to the battle. The mindless hoards were on the top of the wall and were breaking the mens lines. Then Ionix fell down and a woopy cushen fell on the ground and 1of the mindless hoards stepped on it. He died as soon as he heard it and a chunk of the hoards died. They had found their weakness. Ionix layed the woopy cushens he had like mines. All the mindless hoards on the wall died. Then they threw the woopy cushens on the field and it killed all the mindless hoards, including the evil Nathen. It turned out that anyone who serves the evil Drewn dies when they hear a fart. After the battle the men named Ionix commander of their army. Nathen came up to Ionix and said,"Ionix we need to get to Drewn's stronghold." Ionix turned and noded. The army of men, the dragons, the ravinous princess, the 2 mercinaries,Ionix and Loran, and the Jedi, commanded by Nathen, set off on their quest.
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Post by The Admin on May 13, 2004 10:14:28 GMT -6
Along the way they encountered a group of taunting Frenchmen and Ionix was distressed to discover that his mother smelt of elderberries. Ionix had never known that he had a mother
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I AM THE IZOD!!
High Cleve Person
This is what happens when I eat too many baked beans.
Posts: 513
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Post by I AM THE IZOD!! on May 13, 2004 17:49:14 GMT -6
He then pulled out a rifle he had and shot the frenchmen in the crouch for saying nasty things about his mother. They then had to go through the forest of Manhor. They rested along the way and then something came out of the wilderness and...
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Post by HCMBrainCandy on May 13, 2004 18:22:51 GMT -6
Whiped out a whole stack of paper and and proceded to inform the army that their income taxes were currently overdue. They would have to all go to the prison. All hope seemed lost when one Jedi suddenly remembered the interdimensional portal. He opened it under the IRS man's feet and sent him straight to Hell. There the taxman met quite a few lawyers and petitioned to have Hell air conditioned for the first time. Satan stared at them all for a moment, and then flipped on the country music station. The screams of countless souls suffering unspeakable torment wafted up back through the portal. The army had a large feast that night of bolonga...
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Post by The Admin on May 16, 2004 14:28:48 GMT -6
After the meal, which was excellent by any standard, the army decided that they needed someone new to pillage and destroy as they had already killed all of thier enemies within the nearest fifteen or so miles. Someone brought up the issue of the raging hoards. Nobody could seem to remember if they had been in this episode or the last one. In either case the army decided that they must set out and find the raging hoards and smite them with many smitings...
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Post by HCMBrainCandy on May 16, 2004 21:18:15 GMT -6
The army marched along, looking for rageing hoards when they encountered a rather large phonebook...
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Post by The Admin on May 17, 2004 11:06:12 GMT -6
But of course they all regarded it with horror and continued on thier way...
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I AM THE IZOD!!
High Cleve Person
This is what happens when I eat too many baked beans.
Posts: 513
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Post by I AM THE IZOD!! on May 17, 2004 17:26:37 GMT -6
Along the way they saw smoke rising in the horizen. When they got to the area they saw a village burning and there was a man surrounded by mindless hoard. He had a sword and was fending off the hoards. "We must help." said Nathen. "Yes. Who of this group farts the loudest?" Ionix asked. One of the jedi reluctently raised his hand. Ionix brought him in front of the army and told him to fart. He did so. The sound was rather discusting, but as usual the mindless hoards instintly died. Then the man ran away. The army continued on their way.
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Post by HCMBrainCandy on May 17, 2004 18:27:16 GMT -6
Then the army realized they had missed Drewen's fortress by two miles. Turning east, they finally reached the stronghold. It was huge, at least three miles tall and made of crisp, military looking metal. The army went into seige mode, and they siezed the stronghold for two weeks when they realized nothing was happening. Xyia one day, being bored, walked up to the door and knocked. The gate swung open and out rushed an army of killer robots. The armies clashed in battle. Things were not looking well for our heroes; half of the Jedi were dead, when suddenly Ionix grabbed a nearby Super Soaker. Deftly spraying the robots with the high powered watergun, the robots wailed in agony and a large electical show ensued. Ionix, watergun in hand, lead the rest of the army into the stronghold of Drewen, making sure not to trip over all the books and other assorted items strewn happhazardly across the floor...
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Post by The Admin on May 19, 2004 10:24:54 GMT -6
....Inside the fortress the army encounter a tall, frail-looking man who was hunched over a computer screaming to himself "It hates me! It hates me!"...
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Post by HCMBrainCandy on May 22, 2004 20:00:55 GMT -6
And then he proceded to turn into a large dragon and smash the computer under his foot. The Author raised his objections to this, but then was promptly reminded by the editor that this was not his story. Anyways, Drewen turned his attention to the huge army...
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Post by The Admin on May 24, 2004 11:04:41 GMT -6
When his father appeared and admonished him for smashing the computer which he had planned to use in the local temple where certain unintelligent villagers would think that it was a diety and worship it even though they ought to have been worshiping SWMNBN...
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Post by HCMBrainCandy on May 24, 2004 16:35:05 GMT -6
When Brain Candy, the one who inadvertenly revived Ionix from the dead, suddenly appeared and announced he had just posted 600 times! Then everyone decided to hold a celebration.
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Post by The Admin on May 25, 2004 10:11:56 GMT -6
But after a moment, the realized that 600 posts like this -- -- wasn't really much of a reason for celebrating. So they decided to celebrate Ionix's unbirthday instead...
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Post by HCMBrainCandy on May 25, 2004 20:57:44 GMT -6
They partied well into the night, and then fell asleep. Sometime around 4 in the morning, a member of the army of men screamed. Everyone awoke to see to see a tall knight with horns who spoke only a single word... "NEE!"
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Post by The Admin on May 26, 2004 10:28:06 GMT -6
And so the whole army screamed Icky Dicky in reply...
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I AM THE IZOD!!
High Cleve Person
This is what happens when I eat too many baked beans.
Posts: 513
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Post by I AM THE IZOD!! on May 26, 2004 17:56:50 GMT -6
They ordered them to go buy a shrubery. Then when they got ready to leave they all realized how stupid they were and that 1 jedi opened the inter-demensional portal and sent all those evil knights who say ekee-ekee-pataing-remboy to hell. They join all those who suffer to country music and screams were again heard from hell. They then all celebrated. However, the army Ionix led and Drewen realized they were enemys and a army of mindless hoards broke the gates down, and they didn't die when they heard a fart. The Battle of Drewen's Tower began.
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Post by HCMBrainCandy on May 27, 2004 6:06:59 GMT -6
Then Brain Candy looked over at Drewen and Drewen looked over at Brain Candy and they realized something. That it's a mistake to think you can solve any major problem with just potatos... Then they just shrugged at charged each other amist the army's battle with the mindless hoards. They began to strangle each other... Meanwhile, Ionix quickly realized the mindless hoards had a new trick up their sleaves. That is to say I would classify trebucheats loaded with giant spit wads as a somewhat new trick, and they also had a somewhat sicckening effect on you, especially if they touched you. Nearby one man was crushed under one of the wads, and died a thouroughly disgusting death. Then Nathan was suddenly poked in the eye with a carrot...
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I AM THE IZOD!!
High Cleve Person
This is what happens when I eat too many baked beans.
Posts: 513
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Post by I AM THE IZOD!! on May 28, 2004 17:09:18 GMT -6
It was big moma. She kept on shouting at everyone, telling them in a shout to eat healthy food. Ionix the carrot and all her food and that 1 jedi opened the inter-dimensional portal(the I.D.P for short) and sent her to hell. The country music then killed all the mindless hoards, but it had an unsuspected affect on Drewen. He screamed and then fell over. When he got up he said,"What has been happening to me?". Then he remembered that a man had taken control of his mind. The real Drewen doesn't care about the world because he thinks it was stupid. "THAT MAN TOOK CONTROL OF MY BRAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he yelled loudly. He then said that the man's base was on the west pole. "Oh, right. It is in the forest of Kanog." Drewen said. So they joined forces. Well, sorta. He worned them that the forest of Kanog was crawling with Imaginary Friends. So the army set out for the forest of Kanog.
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Post by HCMBrainCandy on May 28, 2004 21:07:57 GMT -6
And so the army left for the west pole. But they forgot Brain Candy was still with them, and this proved to be a liability. Suddenly a hoard of feMinist bunnies surged forward and attacked Brain Candy, and as the army was near him, the bunnies attacked him too. Then there was a flash and there appeared Logan's 54th editor (the satanic caanabal), straight from the notebook! Brain Candy escaped in a giant armada that appeared out of thin air, while the army quietly slipped away as Logan's 54th editor ate the entire hoard of the feMinist bunnies. The army continued on their way when they were intercepted by campainers for John Kerry!
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I AM THE IZOD!!
High Cleve Person
This is what happens when I eat too many baked beans.
Posts: 513
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Post by I AM THE IZOD!! on May 31, 2004 18:16:46 GMT -6
Xyia then opened his mouth and fried the campainers. The next day they came to a swamp. "This swamp is evil. Be wary." said Nathan.
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Post by The Admin on Jun 2, 2004 17:21:42 GMT -6
Of course all swamps are evil... In fact, a mathamatician once observed that the number of people who are willing to enter a swamp is inversely proportional to its size. This swamp was especially big and nobody in the army wanted to enter it at all. They were all dreadfully afraid of the camians and tstse flies and such...
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Post by HCMBrainCandy on Jun 4, 2004 21:16:24 GMT -6
When someone from the other side of the swamp yelled to all of the members of the army, "Hey, all of you guys! Yo mamas!"
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Post by The Admin on Jun 5, 2004 17:41:00 GMT -6
Naturally it was M of the M continuum. Since the only A in the army was Q and he didn't feel all that much like fighting, the M simply turned the whole army into a bunch of yellow bellied sapsuckers.
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I AM THE IZOD!!
High Cleve Person
This is what happens when I eat too many baked beans.
Posts: 513
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Post by I AM THE IZOD!! on Jun 6, 2004 14:07:46 GMT -6
They then walked up to M and bit his, um...precious. He screamed in agony and ran away.
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Post by Swanson on Jun 6, 2004 15:50:15 GMT -6
[glow=BLACK,7,300] But then, to every one's dismay, a hole in the fabric of the universe was rent and all existance fell into the void and was utterly distroyed for all time. The End.[/glow]
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