I AM THE IZOD!!
High Cleve Person
This is what happens when I eat too many baked beans.
Posts: 513
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Post by I AM THE IZOD!! on May 10, 2007 21:40:40 GMT -6
And as dictator of the US, he ordered all the Nuclear Powerplants shut down. However, no one would shut them down, so he decided to do it himself. In so doing, however, he causes a Nuclear meltdown in all the powerplants and the world enters a nuclear winter. And of course, Nader is impaled and then eaten by Count Vlad...
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Post by zoel on May 11, 2007 11:28:20 GMT -6
Of course Vlad has gone somewhat mad by this time so for some reason he decided to impale every living human being on the face of the planet earth...
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HCM Brain Candy
High Cleve Person
Supreme Overlord of TPWLP
The problem with the universe is you.
Posts: 4,008
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Post by HCM Brain Candy on May 13, 2007 17:34:14 GMT -6
Starting with the inhabitants of Moose Bend Montana.
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Post by zoel on May 13, 2007 21:21:06 GMT -6
Unfortunately, it was soon discovered that there weren't actually any inhabitants of Moose Bend, Montana because they had all gotten sick of living there and moved to...
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I AM THE IZOD!!
High Cleve Person
This is what happens when I eat too many baked beans.
Posts: 513
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Post by I AM THE IZOD!! on May 24, 2007 17:09:49 GMT -6
the moon and began a whaling business.
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Post by zoel on May 24, 2007 19:39:11 GMT -6
only they soon discovered that there weren't any whales on the moon since they had all been destroyed by....
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I AM THE IZOD!!
High Cleve Person
This is what happens when I eat too many baked beans.
Posts: 513
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Post by I AM THE IZOD!! on Jun 12, 2007 13:10:45 GMT -6
A farting space alien.
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Post by zoel on Jun 12, 2007 17:49:57 GMT -6
Count Vlad, hearing of this, immediately decided to impale the farting space alien instead of the citizens of Moose Bend Montana. Commissioning the construction of an enormous spaceship that looked distinctinctly like the lower half of Michel Moore, he set out in space to try and catch the farting space alien...
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HCM Brain Candy
High Cleve Person
Supreme Overlord of TPWLP
The problem with the universe is you.
Posts: 4,008
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Post by HCM Brain Candy on Jun 18, 2007 11:54:28 GMT -6
But soon instead came upon an Irken scout craft containing a rather loud robot sing the "Doom" song...
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Post by zoel on Jun 18, 2007 13:22:11 GMT -6
Count Vlad tried futilely to impale this robot upon an asteroid but was forced to stop when the robot mysteriously produced a muffin from it's head....
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I AM THE IZOD!!
High Cleve Person
This is what happens when I eat too many baked beans.
Posts: 513
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Post by I AM THE IZOD!! on Jul 5, 2007 11:33:23 GMT -6
The muffin then exploded.
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Post by zoel on Jul 5, 2007 15:34:25 GMT -6
but then Count Vlad was attacked by a horde of frightful dragons that actually looked a bit like slugs...
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HCM Brain Candy
High Cleve Person
Supreme Overlord of TPWLP
The problem with the universe is you.
Posts: 4,008
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Post by HCM Brain Candy on Aug 1, 2007 15:38:38 GMT -6
And so Count Vlad bravely unsheated his water pistol and began his ferocious attack on the dragons...
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Post by zoel on Aug 2, 2007 17:51:44 GMT -6
All of which looked a little bit like this: Fortunately, the water gun was filled with salt water, causing the slug-dragons to shrivel up and die as soon as it hit them. Vlad was about to celebrate his great victory over the dragons, when he suddenly discovered that his spaceship had been commandeered by the Irkin Robot while he was fighting the dragons and so he was stranded.
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Post by The Radical Communist on Aug 4, 2007 20:31:19 GMT -6
And so Vald pouted around until he he happened by a pub with a TV. Deciding he had nothing better to do, he began channel surfing until he so an episode of Gilligan's Island. "Of course!" he realized, he could just built a new spaceship out of duct tape and bamboo and plastic!
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Post by zoel on Aug 5, 2007 17:29:58 GMT -6
Unfortunately, Vlad couldn't find any duct-tape...
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I AM THE IZOD!!
High Cleve Person
This is what happens when I eat too many baked beans.
Posts: 513
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Post by I AM THE IZOD!! on Aug 8, 2007 19:42:10 GMT -6
He decided that intestines would work just as good, so he began impaling random people that were on the streets and used their intestines to begin to build the raft.
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HCM Brain Candy
High Cleve Person
Supreme Overlord of TPWLP
The problem with the universe is you.
Posts: 4,008
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Post by HCM Brain Candy on Aug 8, 2007 21:11:47 GMT -6
Count Vlad was on the verge of completing his new spaceship to take him home when suddenly he saw a healt advisory on TV about some kind of intestinal flesh eating virus that was prevelent in the area. Horrified, Vlad scrambled about, nearly hyperventalating about his possible contact with an evil virus that would turn him inside out, looking for someplace to heal himself. He decided that a church might be the best place, and it wasn't long before he stumbled on what the sign read as a "Christian Science" facility.
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Post by zoel on Aug 9, 2007 15:54:25 GMT -6
By this time, Vlad realized that he had definitely contracted the flesh-eating virus and was in the process of coughing up his lower intestine as he staggered through the door of the Christian Science facility.
"Please.... help... me!" Vlad said, spitting out a bit of intestine on the floor.
"Someone will be with you in a moment," the desk clerk said and after giving him a wristband told him to sit and wait until someone was available.
After what seemed like several hours, someone finally came out and approached Vlad.
"Are you a doctor?" Vlad asked between coughing up bits of his large intestine.
"No, I'm even better than a doctor," the man said. "I'm a Christian Scientist and I'm going to pray for you to get better."
"I need... a... doctor!" Vlad said. "I think I have that flesh eating virus you get from other people's intestines."
"Don't be absurd," the man replied. "Doctors are nothing but evil charlatans send by the devil to cause people not to pray when they are sick. The real cause of your sickness is not a flesh eating virus, but the sin that lives in your life. Now, before you can be saved, you must repent of your sins..."
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Post by The Admin on Aug 10, 2007 20:27:48 GMT -6
Vlad for a brief insane moment considered this, but he soon realized how exactly he was going to explain being a blood sucking vampire who tried to impale the citizens of Moose Bend Montana and all that other stuff to the doc... well, "healer type person."
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Post by zoel on Aug 13, 2007 20:49:37 GMT -6
He didn't have time to explain, however, since it was at this very moment that the flesh-eating virus (or possibly the burden of his life of sin and vice) managed to eat its way out of his belly and started attacking the Christian Scientist healer type person.
The healer staggered backwards and screamed in pain as the virus started eating its way into his intestines...
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I AM THE IZOD!!
High Cleve Person
This is what happens when I eat too many baked beans.
Posts: 513
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Post by I AM THE IZOD!! on Aug 18, 2007 20:50:56 GMT -6
After eating the Healer's intestines, the virus ran rampant throughout the building until it had killed all the people inside. With nothing left to feed on, the virus...
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Post by zoel on Aug 18, 2007 20:59:55 GMT -6
Decided that it was going to be the story's protagonist.
It should have known better, however, since all of the protagonists usually get killed within a post or two.
Needless to say, a number of doctors suddenly rushed into the room and injected the virus with a vaccine that caused its own immune system to turn on itself and within a few minutes it joined Small Pox and Polio on the list of diseases that had been driven to extinction by the advent of Western Medicine.
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HCM Brain Candy
High Cleve Person
Supreme Overlord of TPWLP
The problem with the universe is you.
Posts: 4,008
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Post by HCM Brain Candy on Sept 17, 2007 21:34:03 GMT -6
This being said, the story then focused on Western Medicine. Western Medicine, however, knew of the thread's tendencies and refused to speak to us. We subsequently hunted him down to his house in Beverly Hills and sat outside patiently with a loudspeaker calmly asking him to be the thread's protagonist. He largely ignored this and remained holed up in his house and occasionally threw out large quantities of burning vegetable oil. His luck eventually ran out and he had to take his Pommerinian Fiefie outside to potty. Cracking open the door, our crack commandos in panzers broke through the fence and laid down suppresion fire supported by B-52 carpet bombing runs. Apprehending the subject, we covered him in a black bag and took him to the Ministry of Truth...
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Post by zoel on Sept 20, 2007 10:11:09 GMT -6
Therein he was forced to believe that blood-letting was an appropriate treatment for practically any ailment, that acupuncture cures cancer, and that all diseases are actually caused by evil spirits called thetans.
Eventually, Western science became so deranged that he could no longer be called "western science" instead people started calling him "a hodgepodge of beliefs and practices that make little to no sense and most of which are actually bad for you". But since this was too long, they shortened it to Ahobapt Mltnsamo Waabfy.
Having been made to believe that up was down, left was right and that triangles have for sides, Ahobapt was declared to be a functioning member of society and was released by the Ministry of truth. He wanted to go back to his old job curing people of deadly diseases, but since he couldn't actually cure anyone, he decided to just become a psychiatrist instead.
In fact, Ahobapt was the same psychiatrist mentioned at the beginning of "New Adventure Type Thingie" who had so confidently informed Adem that he was insane. This of course confused a number of people since Adem had taken part in "Random Adventure Stuff" at some point in as well, which seemed to imply some sort of time-paradox non-continuity type dealie.
The space time continuum suddenly showed up at the studio and demanded that people stop creating paradoxes in him, but was promptly chased away by two panzer divisions as well as a large sign-wielding mob. The space time continuum having been repulsed, the story again turned to focus on Ahobapt...
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HCM Brain Candy
High Cleve Person
Supreme Overlord of TPWLP
The problem with the universe is you.
Posts: 4,008
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Post by HCM Brain Candy on Sept 23, 2007 15:18:36 GMT -6
Ahobapt began his new career as a phychiatrist and things were going relatively smoothly when he suddenly learned that bits of his papers were being used by debators who were using it as part of evil pot smoking type K's...
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Post by zoel on Sept 24, 2007 15:13:02 GMT -6
had he still had his wits about him, Ahobapt would have probably considered this to be a bad thing. As it was, however, he actually thought that pot smoking was more or less a good thing since it could cure cancer and had ended the Vietnam war.
This being the case, he decided to spread love and happiness throughout the world by exposing even more of the population to pot-smoking hippie kritiks. Refusing to limit himself to merely running these kritiks in debate rounds, he decided to try and apply them to the real world as well. Needless to say, this was a complete, revolting, miserable failure, but by this time Ahobapt had been high for three straight weeks and was not in any sort of state to judge the difference between a miserable failure and the greatest naval invasion in military history.
This being the case, Ahobapt began telling people that they were in the middle of D-day and that it was only a matter of time before the Nazi resistance was finally brutally and utterly crushed, thereby making the world yet again safe for anarchy, which he insisted would be collectivist not individualistic because once freed from the corrupting influence of government taxation, people would learn to love one another and give random strangers hugs when passing them by in the streets...
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HCM Brain Candy
High Cleve Person
Supreme Overlord of TPWLP
The problem with the universe is you.
Posts: 4,008
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Post by HCM Brain Candy on Sept 29, 2007 19:43:07 GMT -6
Unfortunetly as the world revolution was on its eve Anarchy called and said it had been diagnosed with clinical depression and so it would be unable to come...
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Post by zoel on Sept 30, 2007 12:42:59 GMT -6
Ahobpt immediately called a number of other people he knew, but socialism, collectivism, communism, Stalinism, Maoism, Titoism, liberalism, neoliberalism, fascism, Nazism, and progressivism were all found to be either sick, on vacation, or mysteriously unavailable. This being the case, the only political theory that could be found to take over the difficult task of running the world after the revolution were Jewish FeMinism and pan-Africanism.
Taking out a coin, Ahobapt threw it up into the air and watched as it fell to the ground. It landed on heads. Unfortunately, he had forgotten to decide which political philosophy he would pick if heads came up and so he was no closer to making a decision than he had been before. Eventually Ahobapt came upon the brilliant idea of having Jewish FeMinism and pan-Africanism engage in a battle of the wits to determine who would be the next ruling philosophy of all mankind.
For their competition, both Jewish FeMinism and pan-Africanism were told to come up with the best answer to the following question: "If you had 1,000,000 dead babies, how would you spend them and why?"
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I AM THE IZOD!!
High Cleve Person
This is what happens when I eat too many baked beans.
Posts: 513
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Post by I AM THE IZOD!! on Oct 1, 2007 16:16:19 GMT -6
Pan-Africanism answered that he would create baby guns, which he would use to take over Africa.
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